chipotle madness

chipotle



quite possibly the queen mother of burrito joints. most definitely makes me want to do hill repeats upon exit.

i have on several occasions encountered a person who browbeats the burrito-assembly line worker, which sucks, because:

A: i work in two different service industry jobs, let me assure any browbeaters reading this, we are people too, and your pretentious ways make me want to feed you your own teeth. Fortunately for me i can say "hey, take that bass out of your voice or you're going to be wearing that coffee/minus a few extra inches of hair". people at chipotle probably don't have that option.

B: The browbeater puts the burrito assembler in a shot mood and my burrito will most likely feel the affects. Krishna consciousness devotees believe that the attitude of the person preparing your food is as important as the actual food itself. I back that, as i have received more than my share of shot, flimsy, disproportionate burritos due to people's complacency after the abuse they endured from the asshole in front of me.

on to today's situation.

the prick in front of me, who, without being a fitness nazi, was suffice to say, a large gentleman. I should also mention he was wearing bluetooth, which in my experience is nature's way of saying "im an inconsiderate deuchebag", in this type of situation. As near as i can remember, it happened something like this.

"i want a burrito with no beans, DOUBLE-wrapped. NO!!! don't double wrap it yet. Wait till after the burrito's all made, then warm up the tortilla... THEN double-wrap it"

is this dude serious!?!?

"LOTS of rice. NO, i said NO beans... Ok, in a cup i want you to scoop out the juice from the carnitas and pour it over the rice. Yes, in one of THOSE cups."

for those of you that dont know, carnitas is a type of shredded, marinated pork. Pork juice.

PORK..... JUICE....

i digress.

"wait, where are you going? I want the meat TOO. and i'll take som....HEY, NO! Don't fold the 2nd tortilla!!! Do NOT!!... some of the corn salsa"

i had to force myself to think about mildoo playing with the plaid mouse and drooling all over the place to supplement the mental image of me choking this dude unconscious and pouring PORK JUICE all over his unconscious lame ass.

im going to go for a ride...