chipotle madness

chipotle



quite possibly the queen mother of burrito joints. most definitely makes me want to do hill repeats upon exit.

i have on several occasions encountered a person who browbeats the burrito-assembly line worker, which sucks, because:

A: i work in two different service industry jobs, let me assure any browbeaters reading this, we are people too, and your pretentious ways make me want to feed you your own teeth. Fortunately for me i can say "hey, take that bass out of your voice or you're going to be wearing that coffee/minus a few extra inches of hair". people at chipotle probably don't have that option.

B: The browbeater puts the burrito assembler in a shot mood and my burrito will most likely feel the affects. Krishna consciousness devotees believe that the attitude of the person preparing your food is as important as the actual food itself. I back that, as i have received more than my share of shot, flimsy, disproportionate burritos due to people's complacency after the abuse they endured from the asshole in front of me.

on to today's situation.

the prick in front of me, who, without being a fitness nazi, was suffice to say, a large gentleman. I should also mention he was wearing bluetooth, which in my experience is nature's way of saying "im an inconsiderate deuchebag", in this type of situation. As near as i can remember, it happened something like this.

"i want a burrito with no beans, DOUBLE-wrapped. NO!!! don't double wrap it yet. Wait till after the burrito's all made, then warm up the tortilla... THEN double-wrap it"

is this dude serious!?!?

"LOTS of rice. NO, i said NO beans... Ok, in a cup i want you to scoop out the juice from the carnitas and pour it over the rice. Yes, in one of THOSE cups."

for those of you that dont know, carnitas is a type of shredded, marinated pork. Pork juice.

PORK..... JUICE....

i digress.

"wait, where are you going? I want the meat TOO. and i'll take som....HEY, NO! Don't fold the 2nd tortilla!!! Do NOT!!... some of the corn salsa"

i had to force myself to think about mildoo playing with the plaid mouse and drooling all over the place to supplement the mental image of me choking this dude unconscious and pouring PORK JUICE all over his unconscious lame ass.

im going to go for a ride...

2 hrs yesterday...

solid. Mostly focusing on cadence, but usually the power is there too. Lots of fp intervals lately, maybe that'll fix my slow spin.

p.s.

i was just informed by one of the race marshalls that the run leg of the race was "considerably" longer than last years. I feel SO much better now.

scratch that last post...

just looke at my race results for last year, 1:03 and change. I did finish better this year. still would have liked to break an hour though...

dammit to hell

last years time at the possabilities tri, 1:01 and change

this years time at the possabilities tri, 1:02 nad change

DAMMIT!

how is that possible. I was on a way better bike this year, i didnt cramp up when i hit the pool. I was way faster in t1 and t2, didnt screw around like last year. One minute slower. I train constantly to get a freaking minute slower.

how is that effing possible???

Its like i dont exist on a bicycle. Im way faster than any of the rec riders, and im way slower than anybody who races.... Dude, what am i doing?? I have to re-think everything.

good clean fun!

had a blast with kerri and cathy-jo, on their gayest form or transportaion ever: the tandem cruiser.




It was just all around laughs, i got to explain my "jody really IS that stupid..." theory to all of the concerned female parties, discuss general bike-nerdery,and hair. Cathy-jo took some pictures that im sure are going to be sweet. I hope i didnt botch the one i took of the 3 girls. It just wasnt the same without the drunken abuse that im used to from bar-room legend mark foist.

on a side note...



dont hate bitches. Its in the mail. sub 17 lbs! what... what....

...as promised...

wedding madness

jace got married today.

Things got out of hand pretty quickly.

I threatened to burn down the place that botched my tux order. Ate a LOT of mexican food after pictures. Then was the ceremony. I cried like an infant girl. 's ok, so did jason.

Then, recpetion madness was in full swing. Things really escalated in a hurry.

Joshy and i offered to do our own version of "2 dudes, 1 cup" with the choco-fountain (if you understand this referance, may God have mercy on your soul). Salt lake dudes acted drunk. AJ and i stole candy. I drank from no less than 4 no more than 8 glasses full of punch, and put them back for un-suspecting people to drink from and catch hep c. Spent literally hours trying to cajole little charly into putting his baby into the probation officer/wedding co-ordinater who had biggger guns than me. Traded war stories with JD (who has actual, bona-fide war stories). Tried to cajole tyler into crashing the reception next to ours. Tried to spike jason's drinks with viagra (he would have thanked me). Did impersonations of a strip-teasing piss-bum with AJ. Did under the breath islamic prayer chanting when Thommy green announced he would do the blessing. Stopped AJ from screaming islamic prayer chanting WHILE thommy gave the blessing. Took group pictures and announced that Jasons thumb was inside me. Announced that kimbot looked like buddy isreal. Painted my face like indian warpaint and made pro-wrestling faces/poses with AJ. Rubbed said warpaint all over my face and put powdered sugar on my lips and sang Al Jolsten songs. Stole a lamp.

depending on your stance on party animal-ness im either a riot or a total bumout. Pics coming soon.

sore core

riding in the drops today almost made me barf. True story.

haircut transition

i think im going from my usual "i dont know what to do with my hair.... i want to grow it out" to my new and improved, "i have a running 20 day appointment with dylan" i went from desheveled to clean cut in minutes. Im going foor a sort of old timey jaques anquetil look...

new stuff

cross bike is happening. I think im turning belgian. cant wait for the fall. and by fall i mean, me falling, off of my bike.

pilates...




after about 10 minutes of a 40 minute workout, this chick, who was referred to me by super-coach ashley kipp, completely knocked my dick in the dirt, to use a natalee gregson phrase. I did most of it, and by most i mean, there were like 2 sections where i either just went "...nope" or she said to stretch, and i was like "...wait....i already am stretching". It was hell. I find it very funny that at the END of the workout she told me to grab my ankles. Also, when i didnt the little "running" exercise i had to say "im a maaaaniaic maaaaaaaniac". That was fun. no homo.

haircut today. Im tapping out on the whole grow my hair out thing. It only looks sweet when you take your helmet off after like 2 hour ride. I only do that like 5 days a week. Although i have been informed that i will be running do to my new cross bike project. bet my hair would look sweet after that...


im still cutting it.

small time rant

this time its not pissing and moaning about how fast im not.

It's all so ironic the things that you think
You preface them all with a nod and a wink
The clothes that you wear and the words that you speak
You're so fucking clever, you're tongues in your cheek
You stand on the sidelines and shit on it all
never getting involved 'cause you might take the fall
Your apathy hides the fact that you're scared
of expressing opinions or showing you care
The irony is that you totally suck
You can look down on me and I don't give a fuck
'Cause I hate assholes who hide behind fashion
Who live life devoid of emotion or passion
All style and no substance, you're flesh without bone
Another foot soldier in an army of clones
So fuck your snide ways and your snotty asides
I fucking hate you and all of your kind
You..
I hate you


those are suicide file lyrics that sum up how i feel about some "friends" i have.

if we're friends, dont pick on me, or antagonize me until i snap and get pissed.
A: that totally sucks and is very non-friend of you
B: dont act like im the bad guy for getting pissed, cuz you pushed my buttons 'til i got that way; refer to subsection A.
C: being an overly-sensative cry-baby would be lame of me, but i can easily list more than one person who are just having fun at my expense when you boil it all down. I hate bullys, and people who barely know me know that about me. Oh yeah, and refer to subsection A.

after tonight i will be re-evaluating who i: get tattooed by, buy bikes from, and deserve the title "brother".

sticking to the schedule

and having fun doing it. Tomorrow is time trial practice. I might go out and warm up with everyone then go out on my own. i wonder if i should bring my tt rig?

also tomorrow if my favorite race of all time. Paris-roubaix. The hell of the north. Race starts at 1 on tv, and i will be home watching, most likely nerding out with my pops and maybe seattle sean. i think i invited phil too. How cant you be into this race??

back to school

well, instead of "i'll just do the tuesday night ride and be done with it, cuz thats close to what my schedule says" I actually did what was on my schedule. i still got dropped, but it was cool because i finished like first in back of the group, ahead of people i finished behind last week. Felt good. What did NOT feel good was the GNARLY ass cramp i just had getting up from the couch. It hurt like a bastard and it didnt go away. I had to walk over to the computer and straighten out my leg before it went away. Crap sucks.

time to eat

not so much food, as much as other people. Alive. Starting tomorrow training gets back on track and i will update my profile pic with this.



srsly. next time i see you i will be eating you alive.

charle jewels....

sketchy. Saw spinning bear, aka slim-b, aka joy outside and decided to go say hi. Then i got stared down by some sketchy long haired biker gentleman who i thought was going to vigorously stab my face and neck. We decided to let him go and joy would cross at the NEXT opportunity. Probably a good idea, i dont know if she (or anybody for that matter) enjoys a good stab to the face and neck like i do, but she had to teach spin class the next day. other than that i managed to stave off a rufie from mark foist and somehow escaped un-drunk. Better luck next time huh?

once again

the tuesday night ride knocks my dick in the dirt. I ran to work this morning too. Why? Couldn't tell you. What i can tell you is now im going to go down to the bar and get HAMMERED drunk with my boy, and the long lost abusive alcoholic uncle i never had, mark foist. HAMMERED.