This Thursday had been the first in a little while I didn't show up to, despite the fact that I enjoy crits about as much as I enjoy paper cuts on my frenulum, and wouldnt you know this goes on without me. Now based on the responses I've seen I would say that the uniform consensus view is that violence is abhorrent and is savage and a poor way to solve problems. Those who know me will probably not be surprised when I say that my opinion is, violence is abhorrent, savage and unfortunately sometimes it's the best way solve problems. Look, I've been in my fare share of violent altercations, and I can not think of one that didn't settle things once and for all after, as long as it was a one on one situation. I will say I think it's super funny that all these people are surprised and shocked and appalled that this kind of violence could happen at what is commonly referred to as a gentleman's sport. They're like those people that are neighbors with the dude that climbs up a clock tower and shoots 15 people; "I never would have thought he was capable of that...". Let me be the first to say, I saw it coming a long ways off. The one thing that I could see that goes well out of this would be, maybe people will take riding a fucking bike in a circle a little less serious.
One person who witnessed the account said that one guy, we'll call him Derrick, was tired of the other guy, we'll call him random duchebag and his overly aggressive tactics, and when random duchebag had forced Derrick into the gutter one time to many, words we're exchanged that led to the two of them dismounting. If this is in fact how it went down, let me just make my position on the matter clear: it is at this point you have agreed to non-diplomatic conflict resolution. We're no longer talking about bike racing. Now I can't think of anything more pathetic that 2 dudes duking it out in full spandex and in (it gives me idiot shivers at how ill equipped they are) cycling shoes. I don't care if one dude slipped getting off the bike, I don't care if one dude slipped throwing a punch, I don't care if they both made out like cooped up dogs in heat. When you stopped the bike, you agreed to non diplomatic conflict resolution. We're not talking about bike racing any more. If you prefer diplomacy or bike racing when somebody keeps putting you into the curb, you sit in and sit up until after the last lap and you have a conversation like the peaceful civilized asshole everybody has come to know and love. When you decide you are going to let your inner primate take over, you better jump the fuck in with both feet.
Don't get fooled into thinking I've won every fight I've been in. I've gotten housed lotsa times. Lots. But after it's over I collect my dignity and what's left of my teeth and I go the fuck home. What I don't do is call the police and snitch. A snitch is far lower in my opinion than somebody who settles things with his fists.
Now, conversely, if I hit a dude and he hits the ground, the fights over. That's it. Done. If you kick a dude while he's down or you punch a dude on the ground, you're either embarrassed because you didn't knock him out cold (you punch like a rank amateur or you did it wearing cycling shoes) or you're a bully. Now, on my echelon of scum, I place bully just below snitch making him the lowest of the low. Nothing is lower than a bully.
And finally, if I'm a victim of bullying I would hope my friends, even the ones that dress in superhero outfits and helmets and sunglasses that make them look like robot dinosaurs, would step in and peel that piece of shit off me so we can peel off our outrageously expensive yet good for nothing but riding bikes shoes and handle things like men sometimes do.
Without further ado I'll let Michael Madsen say it better than I ever could:
"You kids shouldn't play so rough. Somebody's gonna start crying..."
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